Mixed Nuts....

Dicks sucks.

Not that Dicks. I'm talking about Dickssportinggoods.com. I ordered a gift for Greg for our anniversary. Four days later I get an email saying the order has been cancelled because our address was not a valid address. I called customer service. I was pretty mad. They could find no reason for the order to be cancelled, and offered help place the order again using a different address. I decided to use my work address since we're a business and get deliveries every day. I placed a formal complaint because it was such horrible customer service. They took 10% off my order. All is good..right? WRONG.
Today, four days after my second order they cancel my order again. Due to an invalid address. WTF.
So I call customer service again. This time they get pissed off, sarcastic Becki. My order was cancelled twice there was not a nice thought in my head. First I talk to a customer service chick fill her in and she says they will contact their manufacturer and let me know why. I just asked for a manager because I was about to unleash the beast.
Him: Is there something I can help you with today?
Me: Apparently not.
Him: I see you've had some trouble with your order.
Me: Nope, you've had the trouble. I just pay to get screwed.
Him: We will of course refund your payment...
Me: Yes, yes you will.
Him: We have an inquiry in about why this happened.
Me: This is f-ing ridiculous. This is the worst customer service I have ever seen.
Him: I have an idea. We can place the order again with another address.
Me: Ha. A third time? With a third address? You want me to move so you can send me my purchase?
      Can I ship to store?
Him: You would have to go to the store and arrange it with someone that will be working the day it gets 
        delivered so they can sign for it.
Me: Are you F-ing kidding me?! Even Walmart has ship to store. What kind of store is Dicks?
Him: Maybe send it to a family member?
Me: No. I would rather give someone else the business. Someone that will actually send my purchase.
Him: I'm going to follow up with you as soon as we find out why the addresses were rejected.
        Then we can place the order again.
Me: Not gonna happen. I would rather shoot myself in the foot than order from Dicks again.
Him: I'll call you tomorrow.
Me: I won't answer or maybe I will. Hell I am surprised you think my phone number is valid.

Dicks...you suck!!!!

Oh Crap.

I'm a teeny tiny bit worried I might be arrested as an accessory to a penis nabbing.
Let me start from the beginning.
Greg and I have heard several "cheating" stories lately. I know Greg would never ever cheat on me. But just in case I informed him that if he were to ever cheat on me, I would cut off his penis and put it down the garbage disposal. I may or may not have added the words "try and re-attach that". Today while reading my normal news..I come across this headline "Man's penis cut off, put down garbage disposal". Oh crap. I've said those exact words. I've tweeted those exact words. I may have facebooked those exact words. Now I blog those exact words.
I feel the need to say I've never met this "penis attacker" nor have our paths ever crossed. I think.

Now I worry about tomorrow's news. I've also told Greg I would pluck his turkey. I was mad about something..not sure what it was..but I indeed told him I would pluck his prized turkey. Totally funny looking back on it but now I worry about some poor turkey being plucked out of revenge just because I said it. 

http://www.newsnet5.com/dpp/news/local_news/water_cooler/mans-penis-cut-off-put-through-garbage-disposal

45 secrets to a happy marriage

Our local news channel had this list on their website. 45 Secrets to a happy marriage.
Lets see if they got it right.
 I will, of course, add my 2 ¢.

1)  If you think she's beautiful, tell her.
     Damn right- this should be #1. Although...I think it should read, if he looks good..tell him. You don't want him to think he's not the pretty one in the relationship...

2)  Make dinner together. Eat dinner together. Go to bed together.
      Make dinner together? That would never work in the House of Stone. Greg's not the cooking type. I'm sure if I ever made him help me he would go all Emril on me. Bam!

3)  Your fantasy life should revolve around your wife, not your football team.
     Mama likey. This one stays.

4)  Life is short. Say "I love you" at least once every day.
    All jokes aside..this one is important and when he forgets to tell you text him...and make him feel guilty.

5)  The more time you spend trying to change your spouse, the less time you have for improving yourself.
   Eh. Some of us don't need improvement. When I say some of us I mean me. I think this one should read...there is always room for change.

6)  One of the sexiest things you can do in bed is to serve your spouse a nice breakfast.
   Disagree. One of the sexiest things you can do in bed is...well not breakfast!!! Just a hint..it has nothing to do with food. Just sayin.

7)  Talk to each other, not at each other. And really listen.
   Agreed. If he starts to zone out throw the word nipple in...that will always bring him back.

8)  It doesn't matter what you think you're fighting about. It always comes down to a choice between fear and love. Choose wisely.
   I don't know about you..but when we're fighting it totally matters what we are fighting about! Fear and love have nothing to do with it. It's all about right and wrong. Which I should state that 99.9% of the time I'm the right one. (at least I think so!)

9)  Write this into your wedding vows: "I promise to faithfully replace the toilet paper whenever I use the last of it."
  Shit. This one applies to me. Sometimes I use the bathroom in the dark..and how am I supposed to know I used the last of it?!  I've even tried to blame the hubby for my leaving it empty, and it backfired.

10) Do things together. Do things apart.
  They should define "things" . Golf..ok. Pedi's with the girls..ok. Diddling the neighbor..not ok.

11)  Career, personal goals and family are important, but nothing is more important than your relationship.
    Career, personal goals..yes. Family is part of your relationship, so you can't put them on the less than important level. Unless we're talking about the weirdo step cousin that is always in your business. That family, yes. Your immediate family..no.

12)  The cruelest question you can ask a husband: "Notice anything different?"
   This is the BEST question you can ask your husband. It's the relationship version of a pop quiz. It's always good to keep him on his toes.Who doesn't love to watch the look on his face when he is trying to figure out what the F is different.

13)  Be your spouse's biggest cheerleader.
   I agree and I wear a cheerleader uniform too. OK...I'm kidding. Greg would probably laugh and my self esteem would be ruined for life.

14)  If you've truly forgiven your spouse for something, you'll never bring it up again.
   This falls under the forgive and forget category. There is also the forgive, but never ever forget category. I rarely put anything in the vault. Which I'm sure annoys the crap out of Greg. But..hey...that's just me.

15)  Your wife doesn't need to know that you think that chick across the street has a great figure. (Not that there's anything wrong with noticing.)
   Or the chick on TV which is the only reason you watch the show, and your hubby shouldn't know you think  Maks on Dancing with the stars is sex in a tight outfit- but when you drool, and tell your spouse to rewind...it's a giveaway.

16)  Be spontaneously ridiculous and unabashedly silly. Make your spouse laugh. It nourishes your souls.
   Agreed. Just don't ever laugh in bed. Total mojo killer.

17)  No one person can give you everything you need.
   Well of course not. If you need milk you have to rely on the cow...well someone milking that said cow. If you need a hair cut you clearly wouldn't want your spouse doing it!!!!

18)  If he forgets your anniversary, don't freak out about it. If he forgets your name, do.
  Get married on a date he can't forget. 07-07-07. Does not knowing your middle name fall under this category? Greg still has to pause to remember my middle name. Honey..say it with me...Dawn. It's not Lynn.

19)  "What can I do for you, honey?"
    This one is touchy. You might get an answer you weren't prepared to give. There is one standard answer that will follow this question about 75% of the time. You should be able to guess it.

20)  He's not a mind reader. If you want him to know what you're thinking or feeling, you have to tell him.
  He's not a mind reader for sure and when he thinks he can read your mind he is way off.

21)  If you make your kids the center of your universe, there's going to be one massive black hole when they finally grow up and leave.
   This should say "Find a balance between romance and the kids. You'll need that romance later when you are too old to make babies and your babies moved out."

22)  Recognize your spouse's weaknesses, but focus on the strengths.
  For sure. You need to know what you can push off on your hubby to do, and what you will have to do for yourself!

23)  If you always have to win the argument, you'll eventually lose the relationship.
  That's why you let him think he won the argument.

24)  Only if she asks: "No, honey, that dress isn't very flattering." (Not "It makes you look fat.")
   Yes, and never, I repeat never, moo. Or say she looks "fine". Fine is never good.

25)  Find someone to talk to about your marriage, but never talk your spouse down to anyone.
    But always tell the really funny stories.The ones that your spouse would KILL you if they found out you told. Shhhhh!

26)  When you finally realize your spouse is as flawed and messed up as you are, you can leave the rose-colored fantasy behind and start building a real adult relationship.
    You should have come to this realization week one. If you still think your spouse is perfect and does nothing wrong you are living in a fantasy world. Step away from the fairy tale book and grow the heck up!

27)  If your wife suddenly starts tanning and exercising a lot, might as well call the lawyer now. (This one came from a recently divorced friend.)
  I call foul!!! What happened to wanting to look good for yourself? For your hubby? This one is a load of crap!!

28)  Every little disagreement doesn't have to snowball into a discussion about "the relationship."
  And...never start a sentence with "we need to talk"

29)  It's actually OK to go to bed angry sometimes, as long as you agree to discuss it in the morning.
  ...and it's ok to go to bed angry, and lock the bedroom door so your hubby has to sleep on the couch. Not that he was going to even think about coming to the bedroom anyway.

30)  She's your wife, not your mommy. Go clean up after your own self.
   So true.

31)  It's not your job to make your spouse happy. (It's not possible, either.)
   Damn right. BUT...it is his job to make me happy..right?!

32)  Appreciate the love your spouse has for you. It's not something you're entitled to. It's something you earn.
   This should actually read you should appreciate everything your spouse does for you, for if you take advantage you may find yourself without...

33)  When he says, "You might have a point there, honey," what he's leaving out is "if you weren't so full of crap."
  Unless...you WERE right. He could also be leaving out "oh shit she's smarter than me"

34)  Create your own traditions for the holidays.
   I got nothing for this one. I guess it's true...

35)  Sharing your secrets (and hopes and fears) is the secret to true intimacy.
  Sharing fantasies is the true secret to intimacy. Unless you start the conversation with.."honey I would love you to wear a diaper" ..that's just weird.

36)  Want to get lucky tonight? Do a load of laundry, start to finish.
   Only wash your clothes. You know damn well if you wash mine you will shrink the shit out of my favorite sweater. Which will lead to a fight, which will lead to not getting lucky for at least 2 days. Also, never say "We'll go out and buy you a new one"...she doesn't want a new one. She wants the one you shrunk the shit out of.

37)  Listen to other people's advice, but make your own choices.
   Depends on who's advice..mom's ..ok. Larry the Cable Guy....not so much. Hugh Heffner...no f-ing way.

38)  Argue naked. It's guaranteed to keep a minor disagreement from turning into a big fight.
   Oh hell no. There are way too many giggly spots to argue naked. I'm pretty animated when I'm mad. That's a giggle only Jello should be proud of. AND... you know your hubby will point it out and it will only make you madder than you already were. Although...man boobs could come into play. Hummmm.

39)  Random expressions of love and affection are the best ones. (Foot rubs count double. Feet are gross!)
   So very true but stay the heck away from my feet.

40)  Being selfish and being in love are incompatible.
   Unless you love yourself. Just sayin..

41)  Just because you know where someone's buttons are doesn't mean you have to push them.
   This is what makes life fun.Unless it's my buttons being pushed...

42)  If your dog gets more snuggle time in bed with your wife than you do, you're in trouble.
   Or...if your pillow gets more snuggle time..there's a problem. Unless you have a new  huge king size bed and you both sleep away from the neutral zone. 

43)  Money is something to talk about, not fight about.
  Unless he's spending it all on the 3 P's. ponies, porn and prostitutes.Then...you have yourself a real problem.

44)  When all is said and done, you can hang onto your pride or you can hang onto your relationship.
   Ok then...

45)  And, finally, here's a great one from Ogden Nash. "To keep your marriage brimming with love in the wedding cup  whenever you're wrong, admit it  whenever you're right, shut up."
   Can't argue with that...

 
I really think I should make my own list, and submit it to the news station......

What a weekend!!

I'm tired. Not even kidding. I guess coming off a super active weekend
will do that to you! On Saturday we took Madison & Maverick to the zoo.
This was Maverick's first time, and Greg hasn't been to the zoo in years
and years, so it was a first for both of them! I actually never thought
I would get Greg to go to the zoo, so he really surprised me!
Let me start the zoo story with..it was hot. Sunny and hot. So after we
loaded the kids with sunblock, we started our trek at the zoo. The first
stop was the seals which Mav really liked. I'm sure it was because they
were in water! I have to say the seals were pretty cute!
We bounced from animal to animal, getting Maverick in and out of the
stroller so he could see the animals. He did wonderful. Maddye wanted to
ride the camel, so Maddye, Maverick and I did just that. Riding a camel
was not fun. Now it could be that I'm old and fatter than I'd like to
be, but holy heck it was hard to ride. I was hanging on to Maverick,
while hanging on to the camel with my thighs. Which are out of shape.
Which were hurting when I got off the camel. The kiddies had fun, and we
got a picture of our ride..so that's all that matters. I will tell you,
I doubt Sally the Camel and I will ever tango again. Just sayin..
The kids also loved the monkeys (who doesn't?!) and the fish. Maverick
tried to feed the fish a fry. It was beyond cute! Maverick met a donkey
that seemed to really like him. So Maverick was touching him through the
fence, and the donkey was letting him. Then...Maverick stuck his finger
up the donkey's nose. If donkeys could have a WTF face, this donkey had it.
All in all the zoo was a great day. We had lunch, walked around all day,
and had a really good time. Maverick fell asleep on our way to the car,
but he was a trooper. We're so lucky!
On Sunday I took Maddye to Cedar Point, with my niece Adrianna, and her
Mom, Nielah. (For those of you who don't live near Ohio, Cedar Point is
a huge amusement park near us) It was HOT. Maddye loves Cedar Point.
She is such a thrill seeker! We went from ride to ride, with two
giggling girls. Adrianna loved the Calypso- so much we went on it 6
times. That's a lot of spinning. The girls went in a sprinkler fountain,
and Nielah and I were secretly hoping to get splashed!! Did I mention it
was hot?! How hot, you ask? Well my deodorant melted in my car. Degree
soup is awesome. I'm not sure what swamp ass really is, but I just might
have had it. I was a sweaty hot mess. The entire drive home I was
fantasizing about a shower. Hot right?!
We didn't get home till after 11pm, and I'm tired as heck today, but it
was so worth it. Maddye and I had a great day.
Maverick stayed home with Daddy. They went and visited Grandma & Grandpa
Stone for a bit and from what I hear Maverick didn't miss me. (I'm sure
he did!!!!)
I'm kinda hoping next weekend is empty without a single thing to do!
Fingers crossed!