Truths..

Truth: I hate waking up at 6am. I HATE it. Maddye has to be on the bus before I normally get up. I can't snooze. I can't delay. I hate that damn bus.

Truth: Maddye hates waking up at 6am. Maybe more than I hate it. She just masks her anger better than I do.

Truth: Maddye is loving her new school. We're pretty proud of her, and we're hoping for a great 5th grade experience.

Truth: Maddye, Maverick and I are NOT morning people. Mornings are not amusing. Mornings are not fun.

Truth: Greg is a morning person. There are days I want to strangle him. There are days it takes everything I have in me not to snap and say "shut it!". Greg is only chatty in the morning I swear. I do believe that he knows it drives me mad, and he's trying to make me snap. The silly man thought we would become morning people....not gonna happen.

Truth: We have bees. Not a few bees. I'm talking full colony of freaking bees taking up residency in the wall of our fireplace. They are able to get in through the fireplace. We've tried to use spray, we've even used heavy duty concentrate insecticide. The only thing we've accomplished is turning our patio into a bee battle ground. There are dead bees everywhere...yet we still see them flying in and out, and getting into our house. I vote for a professional. Where the hell is the Bug-Busters when you need him?

Truth: If I owned a pest control company I would call it "Bug-Busters"...who you gonna call....Bug Busters. Oh I can see it now.

Truth: Maverick might be smarter than me. This kid really amazes me. He is saying EVERYTHING, and is just too smart for his own good.

Truth: We recently came home from vacation to maggots in our sink. There is nothing better than a big fat maggot welcoming you home to reality. It was so gross. Apparently a fly thought it was a great idea to lay eggs in our garbage disposal. Note to self: put the stopper in, and bleach in the sink!

Truth: Things that I think about happen. Now before you chalk me up to another loon, listen! The penis in the garbage disposal thing, and now a murder at Put-In-Bay. No..I did not think about killing anyone, but while we were there I thought holy shit if someone wanted to bad bad things- they might just get away with it..especially on Middle Bass Island. I'm just saying. I was wrong....the person who did the killing did get caught. But....still my thoughts happen a few weeks later. Weird.

Truth: For those of you that are local- Middle Bass Island is one creepy place. If someone wanted to film a horror movie Middle Bass Island is the place to go. I have no idea how someone could live there!! We did find out that there were a couple of college kids from Kazakhstan working at a restaurant for the summer there. (One of the two restaurants on the island...just sayin) . I told Greg over and over...."I don't belong here".

Truth: I hate waking up at 6am...did I mention that already?

Not I.

No I am not a member of the Paradise Garden Nudist Resort in Ohio. Just in case any of you were wondering. Speaking of wondering.....
If you are a nudist where do you keep your chapstick? I'm really curious. A nudist chick could carry a purse I guess....but a nudist dude? I'm thinking I should market nudists. I could make a little chapstick bag that hangs on the......I'm going to stop there. I can't give away all my secrets.
If you are a nudist do you compliment body parts to break the ice? In the clothed world we can say "nice shirt" to break the ice. In the nudist world do you say "nice butt cheeks"? I kept it pretty PG, I was really thinking something way worse, but I couldn't let my innocent image get broken.
 If you are a nudist how do you hide a boner? (Shit..there goes my innocent image.) This has to be a concern right? I mean what if there is a Jennifer Aniston type nudist walking around? Do you quickly sit down? I'm thinking not Indian style...that might make it more noticeable. Maybe I can market something for this too...I'll call it boner-be-gone. I'm a genius.
If you are a nudist do you look? I'm going to be honest here. Really honest. I would look. At everything. I would look and be critical...just because I'm a critical person. Although if I was there looking, I would be in the nude too. Oh I shudder to think about my giggly spots giggling free. Oh the shame.
If you are a nudist do you hug other nudists? If you do, that's alot of skin on skin out in the open. I'm thinking they have to high five...right?
If you are a nudist do you have to shave if you are really hairy? Lets be honest here. There are some really hairy men out there. Hairy enough that it could be mistaken for clothes. So I call the unfair card if your hairy husband wants you to go to a nudist camp with him. No, my husband is not the hairy man in question. Greg is on the hairy side, but he isn't asking to enter a nudist camp...at least not yet. Which I totally would never do. Giggly spots..remember?
If you are a nudist do you bathe in sunblock? I'm thinking there are some areas I would never want to be sunburned. I could almost see it now. Honey, can you please put some aloe in my butt crack?
If you are a nudist do you play games in your nudist camp? If you do that just might give a whole new meaning to "corn hole". What about beer pong? I see the possibility of missing ping pong balls. I just hope if they do play games there isn't alot of squatting going on. I'm thinking that could cause some serious injuries.
If you are a nudist do you worry about bug bites? Mosquito bites are no joke. Mosquito bites on your whoo-haa would be torture. No way to hide that "secret" itch in the nude.
If you are a nudist do you worry about chafing? I'm thinking I would. I'm going to throw Greg under the bus here- pay backs remember..we went to the zoo and walking out Greg said "in case you were wondering I'm chafed" ..really I wasn't wondering. I could totally tell by the way he was walking and he was wearing shorts! Could you imagine the chafing going on if you were nude?

Here is the article about our Ohio nudist camp. Again I'm sad they didn't ask the important questions.

www.newsnet5.com/dpp/news/state/beating-the-heat-by-taking-it-all-off-nudists-keep-cool-in-summer-heat-wcpo

Bus throwing

Have you ever been thrown under the bus? I have. In fact, just yesterday I was a victim again. Let me set this stage for you. Greg and I, like many married couples, talk. We have conversations about ...well just about everything. Normally we both have comments, and we both go back and forth with our opinions, which usually leads into yet another topic. Sometimes we agree, and sometimes we don't. A few weeks ago we were having one of our conversations and the topic of grass came up. Greg, as you may already know is crazy about his grass. (So crazy attentive that sometimes I'm jealous of the freaking grass. I've considered painting myself green to grab his attention, but..well...that's alot of green paint.) He loves his grass. He treats his grass like it's the queen. (I'm not 100% sure but I'm pretty sure he whispers sweet nothings to the grass when I'm not around) Anyway...we started talking about how we- and when I say "we" I do in fact mean Greg and I, wish that our neighbor would cut his far back yard. I said it because I like to see the baby deer, and the grass is too long to see them. Greg said it because he doesn't like the "hood" grass hanging out with his "honor student" grass. Conversation over.
Or is it? So yesterday I come home and our neighbor is on some crazy machine that is cutting and tilling his far back yard. I think nothing of it, go inside and start dinner. A little later Greg comes home, and I said.."holy crap did you see (insert neighbor name here) on that machine? Greg then says "yeah, I've been talking to him for a while now. He said you can be happy now that he cut his grass"......What?! Excuse me? You told the neighbor I was complaining about his grass? Oh it's on now. When I see this neighbor I'm going to inform him that I wanted to just see the baby deer- and that bus thrower over here thinks your tall ass grass is a bad influence on his good grass.
So it looks like I'm going to have to throw Greg under the bus big time...just to get even.

In Loving Memory

In Loving Memory

of

Jayden Thomas Graves

August 1, 2003

Safe in His arms, forever in our hearts

Eight years ago today our lives were touched by an angel. Jayden's tiny life left foot prints on the hearts of so many of us.  On that day our lives were forever changed, in that one moment I realized how fragile life really is. I will forever cherish the time I had when Jayden was in my arms, and I will never forget how beautiful he was. 

They are all beautiful memories, silently kept, of a baby we love, and never forget.

Happy Birthday sweet boy. We love you.

Mixed Nuts....

Dicks sucks.

Not that Dicks. I'm talking about Dickssportinggoods.com. I ordered a gift for Greg for our anniversary. Four days later I get an email saying the order has been cancelled because our address was not a valid address. I called customer service. I was pretty mad. They could find no reason for the order to be cancelled, and offered help place the order again using a different address. I decided to use my work address since we're a business and get deliveries every day. I placed a formal complaint because it was such horrible customer service. They took 10% off my order. All is good..right? WRONG.
Today, four days after my second order they cancel my order again. Due to an invalid address. WTF.
So I call customer service again. This time they get pissed off, sarcastic Becki. My order was cancelled twice there was not a nice thought in my head. First I talk to a customer service chick fill her in and she says they will contact their manufacturer and let me know why. I just asked for a manager because I was about to unleash the beast.
Him: Is there something I can help you with today?
Me: Apparently not.
Him: I see you've had some trouble with your order.
Me: Nope, you've had the trouble. I just pay to get screwed.
Him: We will of course refund your payment...
Me: Yes, yes you will.
Him: We have an inquiry in about why this happened.
Me: This is f-ing ridiculous. This is the worst customer service I have ever seen.
Him: I have an idea. We can place the order again with another address.
Me: Ha. A third time? With a third address? You want me to move so you can send me my purchase?
      Can I ship to store?
Him: You would have to go to the store and arrange it with someone that will be working the day it gets 
        delivered so they can sign for it.
Me: Are you F-ing kidding me?! Even Walmart has ship to store. What kind of store is Dicks?
Him: Maybe send it to a family member?
Me: No. I would rather give someone else the business. Someone that will actually send my purchase.
Him: I'm going to follow up with you as soon as we find out why the addresses were rejected.
        Then we can place the order again.
Me: Not gonna happen. I would rather shoot myself in the foot than order from Dicks again.
Him: I'll call you tomorrow.
Me: I won't answer or maybe I will. Hell I am surprised you think my phone number is valid.

Dicks...you suck!!!!

Oh Crap.

I'm a teeny tiny bit worried I might be arrested as an accessory to a penis nabbing.
Let me start from the beginning.
Greg and I have heard several "cheating" stories lately. I know Greg would never ever cheat on me. But just in case I informed him that if he were to ever cheat on me, I would cut off his penis and put it down the garbage disposal. I may or may not have added the words "try and re-attach that". Today while reading my normal news..I come across this headline "Man's penis cut off, put down garbage disposal". Oh crap. I've said those exact words. I've tweeted those exact words. I may have facebooked those exact words. Now I blog those exact words.
I feel the need to say I've never met this "penis attacker" nor have our paths ever crossed. I think.

Now I worry about tomorrow's news. I've also told Greg I would pluck his turkey. I was mad about something..not sure what it was..but I indeed told him I would pluck his prized turkey. Totally funny looking back on it but now I worry about some poor turkey being plucked out of revenge just because I said it. 

http://www.newsnet5.com/dpp/news/local_news/water_cooler/mans-penis-cut-off-put-through-garbage-disposal